Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
