Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
