Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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