I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
