Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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