So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
