Ambien. No doubt about it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I deserve this hangover.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
