So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
