Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
