no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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