My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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