If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
