Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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