so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am one with the molecules
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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