Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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