i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
