haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
