I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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