hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
