Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
