As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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