My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
