his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
