sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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