Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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