I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
