Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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