ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
please don't ironically join a cult
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