Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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