Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
