My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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