honey bunches of taint.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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