at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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