Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
