Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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