Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
