I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
