It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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