All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
