If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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