My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
