I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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