At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
