Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
