Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
