woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
