drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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