You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
