WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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