Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
