my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
