apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So squirting runs in the family.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
