took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
